With a nervous disposition and panting breath, I cracked open Being and Time and fall into the bottomless chasm, uttering to myself over and over, "Menschliches, Allzumenschliches," clutching my Götzendämmerung until the vanishing light behind me recede into nothingness...
A dimensional portal with Heidegger's haughty visage looms before me, his twitchy mustache hypnotic, and i'm swiftly pulled into a shadowy labyrinth.
I wake up and a vast maze opens up before me, and the ground is full of fine dust... wait, it's ashes. A volcano must be nearby and active. Plus the sky is slightly less so, but equally monochromatic. Bleh.
A dusty path leads to a non-descript stone wall, and at its base is a rotting wooden door.
As I trod fearfully towards the door, I spot something swinging from the door handle, obscured within the shadow.
Making my way, I nearly gag from a horrible stench, and finally notice the dead bodies stacked along the side. Upon closer inspection... they're actually logical positivists from the Vienna Circle! Sweet Fancy Moses. A crow is startled by my approach, making off with a couple of eyeballs.
I quicken my pace.
At the door, it's much bigger than I thought. The wall towers before me, and seems to scrape the sky. I remind myself of the phrase "GOTT IST TOT" but somehow I come out saying "ICH IST TOT!"
On the door a crucified body hangs like a sack of potatoes. Above it is a plate that reads "RVDOLPH CARNAP REX POSITIVISTERUM". I try to laugh at this sadistic display of chutzpah, but I manage only a weak twitter.
Above the Latin etching is a bunch of letters in blood: "Neimand Versacht mit Heidegger."
Nobody fucks with Heidegger.
Lucky me, someone left keys under the welcoming mat, which of course says "ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE."