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darkness and light

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Desiring is always desiring in darkness, and away from the blinding glare of daylight. It is a secret ministry that can only execute its functions in absentia. Desiring says, I want that which belongs to me in the darkness of me, that which seeps through into the light, but which must begin from the darkness. This desiring is constantly battling what happens in spite of its desiring.

Desire, these days, is harnessed onto the system of consumption which turns desiring inside out, forcing it into the daylight, and making it fashionable. True desiring (I may be essentialising here) resides only in the darkness of our silent, inaccessible subjectivities. It inhabits a world of constant reaching out, and pulling away. When it reaches out, it sees the limits of its reach, and the ever widening syncope of its groundlessness. To reach out means to leave the ground, to lose groundedness. Once the limits of its reach are reached, it pulls back, and each time, groundlessness becomes more and more pronounced.

Desire and loss, therefore, are dark bedfellows. Desiring is desiring because one fears the loss of desire, the loss of that which we do not want to lose. If writing allows me to access a world I desire, it is also motivated by the fear of losing it, as well as the fear of groundlessness.


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Posted

"Desiring is desiring because one fears the loss of desire" I like this phrase. I don't know if you meant losing the ability to desire or the loss of the desired. Read as the former, it speaks to me as I age. When young, there is a hurried importance to life. Things are needed, sometimes desperately. When older, desire fades. Or at least some desires fade. And the loss of desiring things can be both heartening and dis-. Thanks for your blog, niven.

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Thank you, AllBlue, for your comment. I suppose that is the beauty of writing - it doesn't matter what was intended. If the text speaks to you in a particularlr way, then that is the way it speaks to you. And this is partly why derrida says, and I have quoted him in my previous blog, somewhere, that meaning must wait for it to be written before it can inhabit itself. meanings are rpoduced at the moment that the written word is perceived and read, not before. And this is partly the dilemma. The writer surely intends something, but the reader accesses something else. The need to write is the need to share in this accessing, but that very act of meaning creation is, for the writing subject, alienating.

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"The writer surely intends something, but the reader accesses something else."This is true of so many kinds of communication, maybe all kinds - art, conversation, music...

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