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Victimology

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From what I've noticed and lived through, the victims of abusive situations are typically painted out to be the bad guy. Well I'm here to make a stand for all the unheard victims out there.

Abuse can come in many forms. The most talked about are sexual and physical abuse. But we shouldn't forget emotional abuse which can be just as, if not more, detrimental and crippling. 

Abusing someone is not ok. Abusers going without punishment or consequences is not ok. Abusers pretending nothing happened is also not ok. Punishing and blaming the victim for what happened is wrong.

How do I know? I am a victim. And I'm the one who's had to live with the consequences and blame. People told me it was my fault I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused. Which is wrong. It's not my fault. The only thing I did wrong was not stand up for myself and leave the situation before it got as bad as it did.

Abusers will often willfully ignore or forget the ways they've abused people. They will also make it out to be the victims fault. Far too often people will remain silent about the things they've been through because they are terrified people won't support them.

I don't think I can add too much more to this without having to get way too personal so I'm going to leave this as it is. If anything more can be added, perhaps it would be the question of why. Why do only victims suffer?

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Posted

I am sorry to hear about any abuse you have taken.  It is far too common that women are abused, and it just seems that no matter how much it is brought to the forefront, it is very common to accuse the victim. 

Although I can't speak from my own experience of abuse, I can speak to what my wife has gone through.

Besides physical abuse, the most damaging for her is the mental abuse, and that quote above is exactly what she has gone through.  She doubted herself, and still does.

All she really wants is a family, and wants the love of her mother and sister.  No amount of "you can't expect love from a crazy person" she still pines over this.  It is especially difficult at the holidays.

Over time it has gotten better for her, with years and years of therapy (which I have been in on :) ).

I am not sure if she will ever get over this, so what I can suggest when dealing with it, is that it helps to talk and get it out.

If you want to private chat, you are welcome to start a conversation with me.

Or come up with some other things in this thread and I will do my best with the years of therapy under my belt. ;)

 

-Scott

 

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Posted

People told me it was my fault .... Which is wrong. It's not my fault. The only thing I did wrong was not stand up for myself and leave the situation before it got as bad as it did. ... If anything more can be added, perhaps it would be the question of why. Why do only victims suffer?

While there would likely be some vicarious pleasure derived were the victimizer to suffer, that suffering would do nothing for your own long-term well-being. Having discovered that you have the strength to leave, the victimizer and the referenced fault-finders are to be regarded as anathema certainly for as long as they remain unregenerate. But do not dissipate your strength by seeking to contribute to the regeneration of those others or by bothering to justify yourself to them. Instead, be patient; be(come) more aware of your uniqueness, your unique qualities, and someone else will come to appreciate you for that uniqueness and will want to foster its furtherance for its and your own sake. You will have the same response for that someone else, but it will not be a calculated quid pro quo on either of your parts.

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