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For president of the USA, the Galilean Library endorses...

5 posts in this topic

Posted

..Barack Obama.

We need leadership from the White House, and over the past four years, President Barack Obama has taken major steps to reduce our trolls online and in person.

At first President Obama stood for hope and centrism, but he immediately attacked the Official Republican Troll, GOP Candidate Romney, even before he landed the party's nomination. That demonstrated his readiness for the next 4 years.

Since elections are about who can run the country, then our endorsement are about how successful has President Obama been, especially on local trolls, i.e., the economy and with foreign trolls.

During President Obama's first term, he successfully stopped the Economy troll from gobbling the rest of the world, and he also successfully assassinated the deadliest foreign troll in the past 12 years, Osama bin Laden.

On the other hand, GOP troll Romney has spent most of the campaign staying close to Obama on foreign policy, trolling him as it were. Romney had limitless potential as a Troll hunter when it comes to the economy, but alas, he has the wrong toolkit: tax cuts for the rich and increased defense spending. Claiming to balance the books by eliminating unspecified loopholes and serious cuts to programs like FEMA is the definition of trolling, alas.

Therefore, the Galilean Library is happy to endorse Obama for another 4 years of troll hunting. :clap2:

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Posted

Well, I never knew the point of an internet moderator was to be weak.

Now, we all know how important it is to get rid of trolls, but if one looks at the full picture, the fact is that Obama has thrown out the baby with the bathwater, disposing of not only trolls, but causing over 4,000,000 internet users to lose their membership on sites such as Youtube, Facebook, and even Twitter.

Mitt Romney has a five-point plan for fixing our internetomical problems, which will be described in full detail below:

1) Fast modem dependence

2) the skills to win flame wars

3) File sharing that works for America.

4) Cut the downloads

5) Champion small file sizes.

By using this plan, there is no doubt that we can make America great again, get rid of all internet trolls, overtake China and Japan in the Asian pornography business, cure cancer, kill all illegal immigrants, make all rapists proud fathers, and reach the itchy spot in the middle of everybody's back.

Through Obama's plan, there can only be less for everybody.

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Posted

Oh, business mogul, supermodel of hairstyles, and undisputed genius Donald Trump has read this thread. Did he have something to say about it? Of course he did!

Mr President, you expect us to believe these stories about your fine work making the internet a safer place, yet you make it increasingly difficult for us to trust you. Barack Obama, you are the most transparent president in the history of the United States of America. Despite endless requests for information that you, as President, should make available to the American public, you have refused to cooperate.

Is it too much of us to ask you whether the essential electronic components that you use in your home computer are made from raw materials that come from America or somewhere in Africa? How can a man using products made at least partly in Africa legally qualify as the President of the United States of America? He cannot, and this is why I believe President Obama is withholding this information - he doesn't want this country to know that he should never have been President of teh internetz in the first place.

Mr. President, I am about to make you a deal you can't refuse. If you provide me with the serial number for your motherboard, the contents of your Gmail inbox, your Facebook friends list, and if you share with me all the many videos you have uploaded to Youtube, I will upload 500,000 songs of your choice to Spotify.

Mr. President, I really want to upload those 500,000 songs, I really want you to be legal, so I hope, with all my hair, that you will provide me with the data I have requested by nine O'clock in the evening on November 5th.

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Posted

Seriously, though, I would like to offer Barack Obama my congratulations on eradicating so many trolls.

Not to mention all those online wedding parties.

Gotta love those cyber drones! :mrgreen:

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Posted (edited)

romney_bane.jpg

Hello, I’m Mitt Romney, and I’m a Chatbot

Special to TGL

Hello, I’m Mitt Romney, the Republican candidate for President of the Internet. I would like to dispute your endorsement of President Obama, because … Hello? Hello? Is this mic on? [taps mic]

OK, what am I supposed to do now? Do I talk into something, or … It’s a set of tubes? Golly. Is there a mouthpiece, like on a telephone, or … oh! I have to type? I don’t know how to type. Can I have the butler do it?

Why is there a TV attached to the keyboard?

All right, the butler can type. Don’t let the wetbacks near the keyboard, though. Keep them trimming the shrubbery out back and cleaning the swimming pool. If INS shows up, fire them and say we knew nothing.

Now then.

As Republican candidate for President of the Internet, I have a five-point plan to restore Internet prosperity. Here is my five-point plan:

  1. Tax cuts for the wealthy

Look, I know that people are hurting out there, particularly in the IT field. To all you laid-off IT workers, I offer a message of hope. I say: “Get a job!”

I also know, because my advisers have told me, that the Internet has problems with unbalanced loads. I pledge to you a balanced load by the end of my first term. My wife, Ann, balances the load in the laundry every time she washes my magic underpants and other garments, including my American flag lapel pin. [Note to butler: Insert “Laugh Out Loud” emoticon here] If she can balance a load, why can’t America?

I say we can have a balanced load here on the Internet without raising taxes on the rich!

How does that sound? Does that sound OK? Because I can say the opposite if it will make you vote for me. Sure, I can. I can come out for unbalanced loads instead. Shall I take an Internet poll to see what I think?

In conclusion, the main reason that you should vote for me is that I am not human at all, but a chatbot. This fact accounts for my awkward responses during interactions with normal humans. The Mitt Romney you see on TV is just a fiberglass skeleton covered by polyurethane skin. It’s why I say stuff like “Some of my best friends are NASCAR owners” when talking to NASCAR fans who are middle class schlubs.

I’m a chatbot, OK? The perfect president for the Internet age. If you don’t vote for me, I’ll disconnect myself.

Thank you very much, and God Bless America.

Edited by davidm
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