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Emulation and Sincerity

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I sometimes post on another very active message board centered around "consciousness exploration" (lol). There was some talk recently about what went wrong with the movement in the 60s in America. Someone left a somewhat unrelated comment basically saying that, they've met a lot of "hippies" in their life, but a lot of them seemed like they had anger and emotional issues on par with the average person. Perhaps it was bad luck, but most of the people they met seemed to be too busy emulating a lifestyle rather than actually living the way they represent themselves. As if petty nonsense would anger them as much as anyone else.

This applies to a lot of things I think.

In order to set up my point at the end, I need to mention the following. No matter how straight-edge or ascetic you say you are, or believe you are, I think homo sapiens are a highly experience and exploration-oriented species. Whether it's enjoying a walk, seeing a movie, reading a book, listening to music, eating good food, sex, travel, sports, myriad social relationships, pursuing a certain career, art, living in an ascetic monastery, exploring the world through science, religion, blazin' dank 420 erry day... Everything we do is in pursuit of experience. If it wasn't, then we would just lay down and die.

And when you have a deep, deep experience in your life, any experience, good or bad, you're consumed by it. During that moment, it feels as if the only thing that exists in the universe is what is occurring in the present moment. Idle, imaginary mental constructions and interpretations are not coloring the experience, you're consumed by the sensations of the present moment.

One time I went on a date with a girl to this amazing Mexican restaurant. I still remember what I ate and what I did. I ordered a pork-stuffed poblano pepper. I remember when the waiter came and set it in front of me... the smell, the color... I took my fork, anticipating the experience of this amazing food, the texture and the tenderness was perfect. When I put it in my mouth, the sensations consumed me, the flavor was indescribable. I was not consuming the food, the food was consuming me. I got close to my animal self in that moment. I stopped chewing for a second and motioned to my date, "Holy shit... Hollie... put this in your mouth right now. Just do it." She laughed and gave it a try, and also had an amazing experience. "Is that not the best fucking thing you've ever eaten?"

Have you ever traveled somewhere really foreign (alone preferably)? Maybe you've never been outside of your country, then you go to... Moscow or something. You land at the airport, and get out of the plane. You're consumed by the sensations of this new place. Everything feels so powerful, it feels so Moscow. The people, the signs, the building, the sound of the crowd, the air seems different, the clothing, the faces. You aren't thinking about anything else, you're absorbed by the powerful experience of travel.

Have you ever gotten into a really heated argument with someone. An argument that caused you to start yelling uncontrollably at the other person. The head rush, the shiver, the butterflies in your chest trying to escape, you slam your fist down and scream at the other person. You aren't thinking about anything else, you're in a state of absolute rage.

Having sex for the first time... the little "bend" that she does when she takes off her panties. That moment when you know you're in... Oh my God...

Working on any hobby, some kind of project, even just studying, or playing a fun game. You achieve flow. Complete absorption in the task in front of you. You stop watching the clock, your mind is devoting all of its attention toward analyzing the task.

It's impossible to fake genuine experience. It's exceedingly difficult to fake it in front of others. Being an excellent liar is exhausting. People can usually sense your insincerity. They know you're emulating an experience and putting on a show, and that makes you a poser, a hypocrite, and emotionally insecure. You're too busy playing "hippie" rather than just being a great person, in every aspect of life, even when life and other people treat you poorly. You've settled for labels and mental constructions because the truth is you're a boring person with no identity.

Genuine experience on the other hand is beyond language. Genuine experience cannot be acted by the perceiver, and it cannot be perfectly contained by words. It's infectious. It can't be faked. Other people know. Being passionate and sincere about our experiences is attractive and satisfying. It almost doesn't matter what you're passionate about. Whatever you are, whatever you experience, dive in. Don't let mental constructions and labels and idle thoughts get in the way. I think that's where happiness comes from.

Today I was walking to the park to meditate, and there's a small municipal office on the way. The people there are well-acquainted with my father. I haven't been here in a long time, so naturally they would want to say hi. There was 2 people having a chat in the front, outside.

I did a very silly thing. I walked to the other side of the street, hoping to avoid a conversation, even though I knew they would want to talk to me. This lady called out as I passed by, "You gonna come over n say hi?" This made me annoyed. I was annoyed that I had to have a friendly conversation with someone.

Immediately afterward, I realized how hypocritical my behavior and response was. I was literally about to go meditate somewhere in order to pursue peace and enlightenment and connect with cosmic vibrations (lol), and I couldn't be fucked to have a friendly 3 minute conversation. Really?

If I really want to be something or do something, it starts with the small things, every day. How can I be at peace with myself and the world, and experience real, nonpossessive, universal love when I can't even do this with the petty things? At best I can emulate, if that.

It starts with sincerity in every day trivialities~

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